Setting

When the sun sets - I do not see if for its beauty. 

When the tones of orange and purple wash over the sky... I may acknowledge the beauty of the colors but I do not find value in it's appearance. I see those sunsets as a finality. 

The sunset is a closing of another day.. another day of being misunderstood - another day feeling out of place - another day feeling like a joke. 

When I see the big orange glow down low in the sky --- highlighting the fierceness of the mountains in a great, violet silhouette.. it is a reminder of another day that I was too much. It is a final realization that another day is gone - that time is swiftly passing and I've missed another chance of self acceptance. 

It is a great, beautiful, scary reminder that my children have aged another day and my time is running out. 

It is a reminder of my failures - a repetition in my head of the day's mistakes and wrong-doings and an indication that for another day.. I have disappointed those that love me. 

That I have disappointed myself. 

Sunsets stop my in my tracks. But not for their seductive appearance. 

They are presented as a reflection in my eyes of fear - disappointment... of realization that another opportunity has been missed. 

And when I see the sun setting - when I see the fire falling from its place in the sky, moving to hide from my vision - it is a reminder of you. 

It radiated in my mind as a synonym to your child games of hide and seek - making me wait to find you. It is a burning, silent dictation of your ability to make me feel lost under the cloak of darkness. The way you make it impossible to find you - the way you make it hard for me to even see myself - the way you hide my path and blur my vision. 

It reminds me of the way you force me to find an alternate source of light. 

It reminds me of the way you enjoy to present me with the dangers in the night. It is a representation of your cruel, juvenile games - and how no matter how many times you begin them - how I'll always, and forever play.