Saltwater Shroud

I want to disappear. 

I want to fade away the way a letter in a bottle thrown into the deep, dark ocean does - a leak in it's cork that allows the insides of the bottle to be suffocated - air replaced with water - sinking, strangling..

I want the ocean to grab me with its frothy, sea foam fingers  and carry me deep down to the bottom - pulling my body to the sandy depths under its masses of water droplets... 

I want to feel the burning sting of salty liquid filling my lungs - feel the heavy weight of pain on my chest - feel the suffering - and then feel... nothing. 

I want the fish to nibble at my eyes - slowly remove my sight and take away my ability to see the things you've done flash before me like a dream. 

I want to feel the slimy sea slugs enter my ears, curl up against my ear drum and stifle my hearing so that I can no longer hear the things you said.. 

I want the cold blooded sea animals to suck out my tongue so that I never have to taste her on you again.. 

I want them to enter me - chew away the rest of the pieces of broken heart encased behind splintered ribs.. 

I want them to slurp out my thoughts like marrow from bone - erasing all memories of the pain.. 

I want the ocean to have its way with me - swallow me up and turn me to mush so I don't have to feel you touch me with hands sticky from remnants of her... 

I want the ocean to rock me to sleep in its arms of waves - shush me to sleep and erase all my pain. 

I want to become one with the ocean - the way I should have been your ocean—but you left me to drown in mine.